Anime Obituary
http://phistars.blogspot.com/2011/09/anime-obituary.html
Anime Obituary
Now that the new year is here, I look back and meditate on all the beloved anime characters that are no longer with us. this 2010 began with the death of a great and noble man, named Naraku. He took pleasure in defiling priestesses and pillaging towns. among his greatest accomplished includes the building of Rumiko Takahashi's fortune. that lone character has dragged the Inuyasha Series to a staggering 200 episodes. To all the incarnations he leaves behind, we from the Furies offer our condolences.
THe next fellow gentleman that has passed away is the gullible Ulquiorra Ciffer. This fellow man, played more of a silent role. Unlike all the other espardas, he a bit of a foggy flash backs. This odd flashback has given birth to hundreds of Orihime x Ulquiorra fan fiction. His greatest accomplishments includes getting beaten up by Ichigo. There really is nothing to be said about Ulquiorra's personality per say. Yet, characters like him does give a lot of room for the fans imagination. We all love the mysterious (supposedly) sensitive guy. But alas, he has gone quietly into the night. His green eyes will shine no more... ah.. that sounds poetic. :P
The next dead man is L. He has the shortest name in anime history. It makes me wonder under what name he was buried in. If you all remember, light pretended to be the man he just killed. Perhaps, his body was sent back to the orphanage he hails from. L, back when he was alive, dedicated his life to solving odd crimes. It is such a pretty that the gullibility of light father prevented L from getting Light yagami. It would have been wiser to send Misa off to America or Guantanamo Bay and kept her under close surveillance, but alas the author did not feel like making L's job easy. Over all, L plays the martyr Jesus role in the show. as for Light ,who also bit the dust, he was Judas or the pharisees. It is such a pity that their cat and mouse game would not last forever. But at last the venomous Snake killed L. And now he lies buried under an unmarked grave.
The following 7 corpses belongs to Pain or nagato. This poor boy was the revolutionary raised by Jiraya. He is the embodiment of the current Chinese trend. The city that he created is one of fear. All its citizens were on constant watch by his lover Konan. his greatest accomplishment includes the slaying of jiraya and bringing Itachi over to the "dark side" His only merit laid in his intentions. But like all great revolutionaries , many, many many (I can't stress that enough) many people had to die. I personally disliked this character. My only regret was that he died of "natural causes" while he performed the unnatural act of resurrection.
Jiraya is your next corpse. Like Frankenstein, he created a monster that he one day he goes out destroy. But alas, like Frankenstein, he was not able to defeat his perfect Prometheus. well, that enough of odd obscure references. Aside from Pain, his other contributions to society includes make out tactics and the story of the Gusty Ninja Naruto. Though Jiraya, the author of naruto was able to transubstantiation into his graphic novel. Using, jiraya as a vessel, the author created both Pain and Naruto, two sides of the same coin.
This next corpse is the bane of my woes. Here beneath this shallow grave, lies the fragile form of what was once the most powerful Uchiha warrior. Lest us have a moment of silence for Itachi......
Next on the list. Oh my god I am dead... wait a second... here it says (sigh of relief) Teresa of the Faint smile. For a moment there I was starting to freak out. Ahem, Teresa was a fine claymore. she dedicated her life killing Yomas and other claymores like herself. It is such a pity that she fell at the hands of Priscilla. what a cute name for a final boss. Priscilla, can you imagine a Priscilla doing something naughty. In her will, she left her head to Claire. I hope she puts it to good use...
the next corpse is the 2000 year old undead vampire Carmilla. Well, she technically died, a long time ago. However, her undying vampire spirit has been lain to rest by the vampire hunter D. In her old life Carmilla employed her time in seducing young maidens. At times , she would eat them, at other times she would make them her bride. What prompted her early demise was her supposed altruism at harboring the vampire x human lovers that sough her aid. but instead of playing the kind hostess, she used her illusion to devour the human bride and mind blast Count Dracula. So then when hunter came she had no one to aid her.
The next dead woman is Ryofo. Like Carmilla, she was totally into chicks. what prompted her early demise was the curse placed on her sacred bed. each time she fought, she grew weaker and weaker. when the leader of her school killed her girl friend. she went on a bloody rampage and butchered half of the members. With her final ounce of strength she released her ultimate attack that killed both herself and the leader of her fighters school. Sad isn't it. Rest in peace chick raper Ryofo.
Now, that we are in the dark and elusive path of perversion in anime let us uncover the next freak. as you can see my fellow students, this corpse has small breast. But as you gaze down its frail body you notice a larger package that is typical in male specimens. but wait, by the parting of the eggs, the frail female flower is revealed. Alas, this is the Hermaphrodite Eipos. Eipos was the "immortal" guardian of the tree Yggdrasil. He was killed by new Guardian Rin. Eipos always had a thing for her, and like all crazed lovers he/she had a hard time expressing his love . So he would send Rin assassins to get her attention. His final act of desperation was the raping of Rin's best friend. Then kneeling down he said please be mine. After saying thus, he killed Rin. Luckily, Rin had one of those immortality spores so she was able to revive in his layer of sin. long story short, she kill her. and Mnemosyne has a happy ending. anime sure is weird?
