Dark Shadows Movie Review

Dark Shadows Movie Review

Today, I took the family out for a movie. My treat. It had been almost a year since the last time we went to the theater. When we entered the screening room I had a strange foreboding. There was like only two people inside the room. After watching some of the most stupidest movie trailers in existence, the movie started. You know, when I watched movie trailers I believed that Dark Shadows was going to be about an 18th century vampire getting used to the 1960s. However, they only developed that concept a lil bit at the beginning.

The rest of the movie was a symposium of interesting concept. All the issues treated in the movie could have stood alone. However, combined they served to make one long interminable torture. Frankly, I think the movie could have done without the witch, the werewolf and the ghost chick. Frankly, I first believed that it was an old vampire getting in touch with his modernized vampire family. Aw... what a bother. It really is a pity that (whats his name) old vampire caught on quickly to the 60s groove.

You know, what I really did not believe was the whole thing about the Vampire become an entrepreneur overnight. After all, busyness in the 60s no were resembles busyness in the 18th century. I think the movie could have worked just fine without the epilogue. What I imagine is that this script had a fusion of many other mini movies. There is the tale of revenge, jealous crazy broads, the season of the witch, vampires vs werewolf vs witches, ect.

I noticed two movie reference within the movie. When the witch was seeing the vampire kissing another woman she scratched the walls. This jealous fit was taken from the movie "Death becomes Her". There is also the green vomiting from the Exorcism. The whole dead chick ghost reincarnation thing was taken from Haunted Mansion, Disney edition. You know, if you take one or two of the explicit scenes, this movie could be rated E. Overall, I think this movie has potential. Its too bad they had to screw up the end.

Frankly, when the witch chick showed up, the movie started going down hill. What a disappointment... Next time, Mama picks the movie. If there ever is a next time. This movie was so bad that it killed all my desires of ever visiting the theater. What a pity. Johnny Depp was wonderful, as usual. His acting was 5 star worthy. The rest of the movie was not worth a farthing ( french coin). Overall, I give this movie a negative infinity abandon star rating. 

Side Note:

Aw, now I understand. I did a lil research before sending my bad review running. It turns out that Dark Shadows was an old melodrama from the 60s. In this movie, they stuffed 1225 episodes worth of plot into a 100 minute film. That's why this movie felt awkward and juggled up. Certain series cannot be made into movies. Its like summarizing the entire bible into an hour film (without omitting either Leviticus, Numbers or Lamentations). They could have remade the series, and it would have been sublime. Instead, they made a movie. Oh, well...